15 April 2002 - 00:33

More about computers later. I will follow the crowd now and talk about my day.

Although I've been blessed with every blessing a kid could hope for, I've been feeling stressed a lot lately. Doubts, feelings of sluggishness and disorganization and inadequacy and just plain stress so often swarm about me like a dark cloud, prompting sudden yet frequent bitch sessions.

Last night I decided to try a new method of getting It together. I sat down with Wheelie and penciled up a list of things to do today. Things like swing on the swings, eat ice cream, and play marbles. I detailed, fantasized. I firmly insisted not only that the alarm be set for a reasonable hour, but that when it went off Wheel respond by exclaiming "Yay! A day for us to play together!" and poking me. And also that on waking, slowly, I would actually get out of bed, take a shower, eat breakfast, and only then get online (my laptop affords computing in bed, which I do a lot. Like right now. Unfortunately, this encourages not getting out of bed for long periods of time). For no more than 20 minutes. Then off to play marbles and look for bugs.

I must say, it worked admirably. It gave me a sense of control to right up and look at a list and know that absolutely nothing bad would happen if I didn't do every- or any- thing on it. Better yet, I started off the day clean and fed and sunned. Swung on the swings. Looked for bugs, and found quite a few. Played marbles (which I had never done before). Built molecular models of psychedelic drugs and hung them up in the room. I must say, the model kit was my very favorite thing about Organic Chemistry class. I read Wendi's thesis (it's on her webpage, so you could read it too) on synchrony in dolphins. I cleaned a kitchen cabinet, repaired the strap on my binocular case, and have almost finished my current weaving project. I did all the reading for Animal Learning. We turned in our summer job applications. We ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's. I put on my dragon wings and tail and we sat by the fountain and stared into each other's eyes.

I did not get all my schoolwork done. I don't care.

I'm learning Tarot and have been doing daily cards for a while. I think they'd make a amusing gimick for this journal. Also I still don't know all the cards. For more about Tarot and individual cards, see Learn Tarot site.

I am using the Gendron deck.

Today: Reversed Princess (= Knight) of Pentacles.

The princess of pentacles is cautious, hardworking, dependable, patient. Careful Earth-y qualities that pentacles are known for. Being the young princess, the card signifies an outgoing, questing energy, or possibly an imbalance in the positive/negative aspects of these energies.

Today I didn't do a lot of hard work--reversed (or at least partial) industry. I spent time outside in an earthy environment--playing marbles on the ground, looking for bugs in the dirt. I wasn't goal focused, and I was determinedly youthful.

Suicide Sam E has a diary now! Yay. Here he is known as Charspider. Go read.